By Seth A. McConnell
Covering things you would never have dreamt of going to is one of the greatest things about being a journalist, it can also be the worst.
In this instance I’m refering to Black Friday.
Long ago I vowed I would never be involved in Black Friday proceedings. I would never get up at 3, 4 or 5 in the morning to buy cheap junk (and lets all face it, the deals you get on Black Friday are very rarely real deals, you get up early to buy off brand TVs and movies that just don’t sell that well but you’ve heard of and you can’t beat $4, right? right.).
Now a few of you who know me will try and call me out.
But Seth remember a few years ago?
Yes but I didn’t wake up, I stayed up all night and I do believe that was a fairly wild night and a crazy morning involving a captive walmart audience, a one hour keytar jam and a package of processed cheese slices. (I’ll let your imagination run wild, be as creative as you want because your probably not that far off… ahhhh college)
Anyways.
I drew the unlucky straw this year and had to drag my carcass out of bed Friday morning and head out to join the crazy masses in search of off brand deals.
I chose Target for a couple of reasons.
1. They opened later (I thought it was at 5 but apparently it was 6… I naturally showed up at 4:30… dang!)
2. I’m comfortable with the layout of Target (In times like these to know the layout of a store is important in getting the shots you want)
3. I knew they would have a line as they had some great deals.
4. I had a good feeling.
So sans caffeine (I was running a little later than I wanted so I had to go without… bad idea…)
I joined the huddled and freezing masses in front of the giant red doors and waited for that fabbled hour when said doors would swing open and pandemonium would ensue.
I managed to work my way inside before the doors opened after chatting up a security guard and flashing a few credentials.
I was expecting to find Target employees flying around the store making last minute changes and straightening up…
When I asked about it I was met with a very questioning look and a smirk.
Apparently all tweeking is done long before Friday morning.
About the only activity one finds is employees shuffling carts around the store.
Which created some great leading lines.
As 6 A.M. crept closer the excitement and fear began building.
There was murmuring amongst the new employees working their first ever Black Friday.
“I’m going to kick people out of the express lane if they have 11 items” One young cashier exclaimed “I don’t care! You’re over the limit!”
“Oh my god this is going to be crazy!”
“I’m not ready for this”
And someone threw out the expected
“I don’t even want to be up”
and with that the floodgates were opened.
“Please make sure you tell everyone not to run…”
That general request from a security guard was respected for less than 10 seconds…
When shoppers made it in and saw that they were letting shoppers in from the mall doors as well it became a rat race and I was stuck in the middle.
It was an invertible mess of arms, legs, shopping carts, teeth and funny hats.
One was not left with a choice as to which way you were headed and there was no stopping.
I tried. Got two shots off before I got an elbow to the ribs, a dirty look and a “Move it!”
I was using an end cap as a baracade, I felt like an unlucky motorist stranded in raging flood waters clinging to the roof of a ‘87 VW Rabbit. I could see TV news watching safely from the shores (in this case it was the cafe and next to the jewlery counter as the rabid masses roared past.
I have no clue how I ended up here.
Safely behind the cart levee on the shores of the sav-a-lot river.
Regardless I decided to traverse the tributaries (ie the rest of the store) to the savings lagoon known as the electronics department where the most rabid of shoppers could be found.
The endcaps became like rotting carcasses in the desert and the shoppers starved vultures.
In less than 15 minutes they stripped them clean.
This was also not a good place to stand. More flailing hands, feet, carts, teeth, funny hats, dirty looks, rude comments and now the blunt, rigid corners of boxes met my shins, ribs, back, eyes and ears.
It was a fight to move six inches and with the crowds collapsing in, I decided I had enough and moved to the leave the store.
The register lines had reached back past the electronics department and were curving around to the toy section. A rigid line at that, 3 people wide. Slow moving like LA traffic at 5:01 P.M. With shoppers still flowing to the back of the store it was a battle to make it to the door. I exploited a 6 inch rift between the opposite flowing traffic (think of it like a concrete barrier seperating the north and south bound traffic on I-190) and made a b-line for the exit. Not stopping once. Battling my way through that ravenous stream of hands, feet, teeth, carts, funny hats and now off brand flat screen TVs for the lucky, towards what can only be considered freedom. Not stopping once. I couldn’t stop. It would’ve been suicide. Unsafe before, downright dangerous now. The only thing scarier than a rabid shopper is a rabid shopper who missed a door busting deal. So onward I surged towards those giant red doors. Past the rabid and weary. Letting the neon white glow be my guide. Towards the phosphorescent glow of the street lamps, lighting the blacktopped freedom. Past the big deal winners and the cratchity a second-to-late losers stranded in lines to long to comprehend.
And finally around that last corner past the now empty cart racks, under the beaming white lights and through those fire red automatic doors.
Freedom.
The sweet, bitterly cold air sweeping across my face never felt better.
I was out, I was free.
I pulled my hat down tight and clutched my camera close as I sprinted across the black top and back to the car and onto the next adventure.
My Black Friday lasted a mere 30 minutes. A tiring traumatic half hour.
I’m thrilled it only happens once a year.
Its taken me nearly a week to recover.
Its taken me just as long to craft the words just right.
There were more images that went along with this but in the flurry of the last few days they’ve gone missing.
-S
