Standing Up!
STANDING UP!
by DJ Danforth, Oneida Nation
This article is set to appear in the upcoming Battered Women’s Support Services newsletter in a series featuring men’s responses to ending violence against women.
Today in far too many of our Aboriginal communities across Canada and the United States, families are being affected by the increasingly higher rates of violence and abuse against women perpetrated by men, leaving people to wonder why men could do such things. Colonization has certainly done its damage to our people, which is not to say that men don’t have the ultimate responsibility to make change. When you think about the time that our ancestors had suffered through colonization, it may feel like an eternity ago, but the fact is that colonization still exists to this day.
Colonization comes in many different forms – and one of the clearest examples came in the shape of residential, mission, and boarding schools. Although they were eventually closed (albeit not that long ago), the impact of colonization still remained in the minds of our ancestors, which has had long lasting intergenerational effects. This has lead to various types of culture shock when people eventually returned to their home communities because in essence, they were returning to a place that might have still practiced the same traditional way of life they were forced to forget. Coping mechanisms with drugs and alcohol ensued in many instances to try and block out the pain of residential school, but more often than not the drinking and drugging made the memories even more intense. Simultaneously, it led men to use violence, abuse and molestation in the family, just as they had learned in the schools. And the years that followed the closing of residential schools have not been much better for our communities, what with the sixties scoop and the continual removal of First Nations children into state care, land claims not being resolved, and extreme conditions of poverty both on and off reserve.
As men we hold a huge responsibility in helping to end violence against women. It is not solely the responsibility of women to take a stand against violence and abuse; we in fact hold the largest responsibility of all. By working with women and making contributions to eradicate these cycles of abuse, we can move from a place of being reactive to the problem of violence, which is where we are now by only trying to help after the abuse has already occurred. It is critical that we move to a place of being proactive where we can stop it before women have to become the victims and survivors, and this has to start with our children.
Across the board our children are in much need of the traditional teachings about respecting themselves and their partner, beginning with what the meaning of a healthy relationship even is. These teachings are essential because throughout several of our Aboriginal nations women have always been held with the highest honour because of their ability to give life in its many forms, and the leadership roles they posses within our communities. But we need knowledge in action, not simply teachings of the past that we might give an occasional “nod” to. For myself, this applies to the highest degree in my relationship with my partner because at a very young age I received the cultural knowledge of how to treat women and my responsibility as a man to support the women around me. Yet where do other young men get to have this discussion today?
In present day society, it seems there are a lot of men who are confused about how to be a “good man”, because of the ridicule that we receive for wanting to come to a state of equality with women. When we act with any type of respect towards women we still hear comments like “who wears the pants” or “your leash is pretty tight”, but instead of feeling humiliated by these kinds of comments, it’s important to look on the other side and listen to what women say about men who believe in equality. For us in the Aboriginal community, it means coming to terms with the fact that colonization has had a devastating affect to our people – and looking at concrete ways to decolonize now.
Men seeking to get involved to help end this traumatic issue can get involved by doing small everyday things from starting in their own homes talking to their children about violence and abuse or listening to their companion about what they want and their opinion. Speaking up when you see this happening to relatives or people you know is the first step in getting involved to end violence and abuse against women. I have been fortunate enough to have been asked to write for Masc Magazine which is an online magazine in which men can talk about the gendered issues that we face each and everyday. It also has a blog in which you can write and get responses from the staff or people who have knowledge on specific topics. I encourage people who want to get involved to visit the website www.mascmag.com and explore the links that are provided on the website. Finally encourage and support one another to stay strong in our stance against this issue, you are not alone and there are people who want the same results, we can go a long way with encouragement and support from the entire community.
It is imperative that we all stand together to protect all of our life givers on this earth, our women, because no matter who we are, without them none of us would even have a life to live. So as a young Oneida man I carry the responsibility and commitment of honouring our life givers in the most respectful way that I know how. With the knowledge that I come from a matriarchal society, I acknowledge that as a man it is my job to respect the strength of women. Each of us must learn to honour the roots of our own culture so that collectively we can have a stronger backing in ending violence and abuse against women. I call upon my brothers and my community as a whole now to stand up as modern day warriors, and protect our women and children and the life they give to each and every one of us every day.